"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't." Spike Milligan
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry.
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that." Steve Martin.
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." Groucho Marx
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.
Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
* 54 times the sheets were just cleaned
* 17 times it was too late
* 49 times you were too tired
* 20 times it was too hot
* 15 times you pretended to be sleep
* 22 times you had a headache
* 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
* 16 times you said you were too sore
* 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
Wife: What are you doing?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband : I was looking for the expiry date.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure! What are my choices?
Wife : Yes or no.
Wife: You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
