Funny Marriage Jokes
Family replaces everything so before you have a family you must ask yourself what's more important to you... family or everything
Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
* 54 times the sheets were just cleaned
* 17 times it was too late
* 49 times you were too tired
* 20 times it was too hot
* 15 times you pretended to be sleep
* 22 times you had a headache
* 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
* 16 times you said you were too sore
* 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why is the lady dressed in white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the man dressed in black?"
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U
After 6 months: Of course I love U
After 6 years: If I didn't love U, then why the did I propose?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home
After 6 months: BACK!!
After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring
After 6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room
After 6 years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone
Before The Marriage
He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She : Do you want me to leave?
He : NO! Don't ever think about it
She : Do you love me?
He : Of course!
She : Have you ever cheated on me?
He : NO! Why you even asking?
She : Will you kiss me?
He : Yes!
She : Will you hit me?
He : No way! i'm not such kind of person!
She : Can i trust you?
Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
